Top 10 London XXXMAS Shows - Christmas Cabaret, Theatre & Burlesque For Grown-ups

Top 10 London XXXMAS Shows – Christmas Cabaret, Theatre & Burlesque For Grown-ups

To Do List has made a list, checked it twice, and unlike Santa, WE’RE ALL ABOUT THE NAUGHTY!

Here’s our pick of the NSFK (Not Safe For Kids) festive fun to be had this Christmas – cranberry is NOT the only sauce on our shopping list!

David Hoyle & Richard Thomas: Merrie Hell | Until Saturday 5 Jan | 9.30pm | Soho Theatre | From £10

This nasty nativity pairs “The Divine” David Hoyle and Richard “Jerry Springer” Thomas to serve up a  trashy, meaty buffet of festive filth and darkly funny songs.

Antony Burgess’s A Clockwork Orange | Until Saturday 5 January | 7.15pm | £20

A testosterone packed ultra-violent romp, with added sex appeal from the all-male cast exquisitely, captures and transcends the spirit of Anthony Burgess’ original literary masterpiece, 50 years on from its publication.

The Pale Blue Door: A Mid-Christmas Nightmare | 5-22 December (not 10-11 and 17-18) | Secret Location, Dalston | £45

The momma of all pop-up dining experiences! Tony Hornecker’s ramshackle-divine homemade rabbit-hole of a residence, with its alcoves, balconies, outré deckings and hidden installations, is your backdrop for a yummy, boozy home-made three-course dinner, hosted by alt-drag thunderball A Man to Pet. For this macabre festive outing, the gang have roped in an ass, a fairy, a dead celeb and a dash of the Bard.

The LipSinkers Christmas Invasion | 14th & 21st December | The RVT | £8/5

World affairs, home news, celebrity deaths, fashion, fads, fame, fortune and Christmas hits are all in line for an explosive yuletide, year-end round-up – guaranteed to get your ding-dong merrily on high.

Topical, trivial, transvestite Xmas Xtravaganza with John Sizzle, Lisa Lee, Rhyannon Styles, Blanche DuBois & Richardette PLUS The LipSinkers Friday night post show mega disco with DJ Squeaky (Dalston Supertstore).

Dick! | Until Sunday 20 January | Leicester Square Theatre | Various Times | £18.50

Join the hero DICK! and his wallflower cat, ‘DAVE’, on their adventures into London town, seeking fame, fortune and friends with benefits. All will be uncensored by the new Lord Mayor of London, as we finally find out if city hall can be run by a DICK!’

Camp (as Christmas) | 13-22 December | Roundhouse | £15/12.50

Scottee’s now infamous Camp (as Christmas) is back at the Roundhouse and the glittering lineup of cabaret offbeats includes: Nando Messias, international hula hopper Donald Choi, funny fatty Jayde Adams, tap dance sensation Josephine Shaker, sort of magician Sue Hart, poetry slam runner up and Geordie lass Cheryl Dole, Burger Queen winner Gloria Swansong, and in-house dance troupe Japan’s People throwing shapes between acts.

Cinderella: Blind Tiger’s First Annual Anti Panto | 10-13, 17-19, 27 & 30 December | Leicester Square Theatre | £13

Tired of Widow Twanky? Bored of ‘He’s Behind You’? Need an antidote to the usual Christmas Pantomime? Well, this festive season, Blind Tiger invite you to their inaugural ‘Anti Panto’!

Join a whole host of dark and disturbing characters as they regale you with one of the most famous fairy-tales in history – the way it was originally intended! Deep from the bowels of The Leicester Square Theatre, watch in horror as Blind Tiger weave a bloodthirsty, brutal tale of revenge and redemption, filled with plenty of live music and full audience immersion!

Also at the Leicester Square Theatre – don’t miss Christmas with the Supreme Fabulettes, and Amateur Transplants : Adam Kay’s Smutty Christmas Songs.

That’s all folks! But make sure to check out our Top Christmas Shows article for more Christmas Treats!

You may have missed…

Gay Bingo | Sundays 2 & 16 December | Soho Theatre | £10

Complete your Christmas with a festive game of B-I-N-G-O at ‘The alt-drag-performance-art-game-show-party that is the stuff of legends.’

Holestar and Prince Nelly present……’LET’S GET QUIZZICAL!‘ | Tuesday 4 December | 8pm | Dalston Superstore | £?

London’s only pop culture quiz that transforms into a disco. Spot the Intro, Catwalking, Musical Statues, Dance-Off, Air Guitar, Lets Get Lyrical, random point scoring, random guest performers and utterly random prizes.

Sleaze | Wednesday 5 December | 8pm | Lockside Lounge, Camden Lock | Free

Girls! Sexy Guys! Go Go Trannies! Raffle! Bears! Booze! Boobs! Xmas Balls! SLEAZE brings you the finest way to celebrate Xmas – Whoops, did we say Xmas? We mean SEXMAS!!

Hook: A Weirdo’s Comedy Production | Monday 17-Wednesday 19 December | Bethnal Green Working Men’s Club | £10

The 1991 Spielberg / Williams film Hook was not appreciated at the time but much-loved by many for both ridiculous and magical reasons. THIS DECEMBER…surrealist comedy club ‘Weirdos Comedy’ (including the awesome Holly Burn & Ben Target) perform the ENTIRE FILM on the BGWMC stage! Part pantomime, part performance art – LOST BOYS or PIRATES!


I am Joint Editor at To Do List. I like free, cheap & offbeat London, especially: cabaret, art, theatre, pop-ups, eating out, quirky films, museums, day trips, social enterprise & much more.