Unmissable Shows at Vault Festival 2019

The cold, dark depression of winter is fully upon us – the only escape is to go underground again at Vault Festival!

This year our picks aim to showcase the magical wonder of the cave-dwelling multi-arts extravaganza that is Vault Festival.

With tickets from just £6.50, a night underground won’t cost the earth. So take a chance on these here gems. We’ve scoured the entire programme, and seen lots of stuff already – so place your trust in us and you don’t have to waste a moment.

And what’s the worst that can happen? Most shows are an hour, so even if you hate it you’ve supported some artists, had a drink and been to an underground den of pleasure. Can’t complain!

Vault Festival | 23 January – 17 March | The Vaults under Waterloo Station (Entrance on Leake Street)

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Cabaret and Comedy

Elf Lyons: Love Songs to Guinea Pigs | 13-15 February | 9:15pm | £10

A surreal tale of loneliness, told in the star-spangled style of a 1980s Elton John concert.

Evelyn Mok: Farts in Progress | 23 January | 8:15pm | £6.50

Delightfully dry comic Evelyn Mok tries out some new material.

For Sukh’s Sake (Work in Progress) | 15 March | 6:45pm | £6.50

Newcomer Sukh Ojla explores mental health, identity and living a double life in this debut work.

Foxdog Studios: Robot Chef | 24-25 January | 10:35pm | £12

A bonkers future is presented by the talented IT consultant duo Pete and Lloyd.

General Erection (A Political Cabaret) | 7 March | 10:50pm | £10

Satire on the current toxic political atmosphere seems lacking, so thank goodness there’s this variety night to heave the Brexit elephant out of the room.

How To Date A Magical Creature | 23-24 February | Times Vary | £10

A bizarre-sounding improvised comedy chat show – this could be car crash or brilliant. Either way it’s unmissable.

Jack Rooke: Cheer The F**k Up | 26 January | 8:15pm | £6.50

Storyteller supremo Jack Rooke is back to give sneak preview of his new book about how to support a friend with mental health issues.

Joz Norris Is Dead. Long Live Mr Fruit Salad | 30 January | 8:40pm | £10

According to the blurb we are quoted as calling Joz Norris: “A comedy legend.” – To Do List. And we’re always right*.

*no refunds

Kayla MacQuarrie: Traumatised | 13 February | 9:45pm | £10

A tale of triumph and finding your voice from ‘an Essex-based sad weird kid to a less sad trans lesbian loudmouth’.

Lamplighters | 8-22 February | 10:45pm | £12

33.3% IMPROV COMEDY, 33.3% GAME, 33.3% THEATRE = 99.9% GREAT. This interactive spy thriller from legend Neil Connolly is a must see.

Mother | 23-24 January | 6:15pm | £6.50

Jack Mosedale and Laura Curnick are future stars with their kitsch-camp brand of character comedy. Expect to meet tactless HR Managers, see a live Charles Dickens experience, and drool at the high glamour of Jane McDonald.

Sadia Azmat: Work In Progress | 16 February | 8:15pm | £6.50

Sadia Azmat gets to the root of polygamy, family and identity in this stand-out stand-up show.

Succubus | 1 February | 10:35pm | £10

A comedy night from our fave mag Succubus, to raise money for charities doing important work supporting trans and gender-questioning children. Featuring fabulous host Jordan Gray and hilarious guest comedians Kemah Bob, Jessie Johnson and Shelf, this night is one big partay with a conscience.

Sunil Patel: Work In Progress | 22 February | 8:15pm | £6.50

A fun hour of risqué comedy from Sunil Patel who hopes to have ‘a full chest tattoo of Tupac (RIP)’ in 2019.

Young Corbyn: An Origin Story | 6-10 February | 10pm | £10

The origin story that we have all been waiting for charts the rise and rise of real, actual man, the Right Honourable Jeremy Bernard Corbyn MP, told through the mixed (biased) media of (among others) choric song, flash-dance and rhythm gymnastics.

Theatre & Performance

A Super Happy Story ​(About Feeling Super Sad) | 30 January – 3 February | Times Vary | £19

We gave this show ★★★★½ in our Edinburgh fringe 2017 reviews and believe it is truly a one of a kind; a touching, funny and foot-stomping tale of depression.

A Wake In Progress | 6-10 February | Times Vary | £12

Love, death and funerals are explored in this promising show from Fine Mess Theatre and Leila Sykes.

Care | 13-16 February | Times Vary | £15

‘CARE is a celebration of our NHS.’ Enough said.

Counting Sheep | 23 January – 17 March | Times Vary | £26.50

This is the headline show at VAULT this year, commanding a hefty £26.50 price tag. But this ‘Guerrilla Folk Opera’ promises to be a total revolution – an electrifying exploration of human resilience that should be invested in.

Opal Fruits | 23-27 January | Times Vary | £12

Loving the blurb: ‘an unreliable solo show about the fetishisation of the feral female – about working-class women and the trouble with 90’s nostalgia’.

Pufferfish | 6-10 March | Times Vary | £15

A jet-black tale of real-life gay celebrity serial-killer Jeffrey Dahmer.

Scream Phone | 20-24 February | Times Vary | £15

‘Based on the retro classic game Dream Phone, ‘Scream Phone’ will take you on a killer journey back to the 80’s with an infectious original* soundtrack. Scream meets Clueless in this hilarious spoof horror musical!’

Scummy Mummies | 7 March | 8:30pm | £15

Comedians Helen Thorn and Ellie Gibson (our fave Go 8 Bit game geek) take often clichéd comedy around bringing up baby to the next level.

Sh!T Theatre Drink Rum With Expats | 10 February | 3:25pm | £10

The Sh!Ts are on tour in Malta. We’ll watch anything they do.

Smoke Weed Eat Pussy Everyday | 22-23 February | 6pm | £12

A #nofilter exploration of what it’s like to be a ‘Young, Gay, Underclass Woman in London 2019’.

The Milkman Cometh | 23-27 January | Times Vary | £15

A cataclysm of comedy horror featuring Metal band Fuck Slurry,
mason-like milky brothers and a dark mystery at the heart of a village called Cud.

Thomas | 23-27 January | Times Vary | £12

All performances are relaxed for this tale of two cousins fighting to become the men they think they should be.

Wood | 27 February – 3 March | Times Vary | £15

Porn and patriarchy. See you there.

Did we miss a must see at VAULT Festival 2019? Comment below and we’ll see what we can do…