New Act of The Year Finalist Lindsay Sharman Shares Her To Do List. Sort Of.

New Act of The Year Finalist Lindsay Sharman Shares Her To Do List. Sort Of.


There were a few stand-out performances at the recent New Act of The Year (NATY) final at the Bloomsbury Theatre – and for us, Lindsay Sharman was the best.

We caught up with Lindsay and grilled her for information Zero Dark Thirty-style. Well, not quite. But we got answers! Here they are:

We loved your comedy poetry act at the NATYS, how would you describe it to someone who hasn’t seen it?

Beyond. Their. Understanding.

How can poetry change the world?

It can’t, because most people go through life with the awareness of a cow destined for a flaccid burger. To expect these bovine bedwetters to harness the power of poetry is to open yourself up to constant disappointment. It is enough to shout it in their stupid faces and hope the shock shortens their life spans.

Tell us about your favourite secret/offbeat places in London?

If I tell you, it will become popular, and it will be ruined.

What offbeat events are on your To Do List in the next month or so?

Offbeat? Everything I do is innately rhythmical. I bleed iambic pentameter. Thus nothing is ‘offbeat.’

large-doctors-dissection-and-resurreWhat are your favourite things to do for free or little money in London?

Smoke electronic cigarettes, after making love to electronic penises. And then take in a museum. The Museum of London has an exhibition at the moment called ‘Doctors, Dissection and Resurrection Men.’ It is about ancient bodies, and therefore reminds me of my most recent lover. My ‘latest’ and ‘late’ lover, if you will. His name was Jeb. He played the electric washboard in a folk band. Here is a short poem about when I first ‘came’ across him:

Jeb. Jeb. Jebediah synthesiser, playing your electro-folk
At the Slurping Toad.
I watch with ale in hand, grinding gainst my stool seat, fisting crisps through wet lips.
Beneath the cheese-cloth of my desire, you could hang a flat-cap off my rock-hard nips.

What’s your ultimate London confession?

My poems are where I make confession. Consequently you can come to my gigs and buy one of my audio tracks / poetry album if you want to hear it.

*available end of Feb 2013

What event or product of your own would you like to pimp on To Do List?

I reject such a disgusting consumerist suggestion. Although if you do wish to open your shabby minds to the sublime, I suggest you visit

And I shall be posting details of gigs and my upcoming poetry album on this person’s blog: